Revenge Is Fun Because You're Dead
by E E Merica
Summary: Ren Shep, borderline evil. Some fool tried to have him assassinated and how he's out for blood. Violent. Potential for romantic endeavors. I dont own the characters. They belong to bioware. Ch. 2 is an exercise in sadistic imagery. please review.
1. Chapter 1

Revenge Is Fun… Because You're Dead

Chapter 1

Callidus Shepard was standing in a sea of gore, the mutilated bodies of mercenaries surrounded him, and his body was cloaked with dark energy. His facial scars glowed with the malignant orange light of the cybernetics beneath his skin. Armed with his biotic abilities and a Phalanx heavy pistol, Shepard was cutting his way through a band of mercenaries who thought attempting to kill him was a good way to pass the time. The mercenaries obviously hadn't been aware of his temperament, because they were completely unprepared for the brutal reprisal that came shortly after.

A mercenary came flying around the corner, and Shepard threw a warp out at him; he was torn apart at the molecular level. Within a few seconds, all that was left was a cloud of bloody mist. Shepard laughed. He was intoxicated by the smell of blood, whether it be Turian, Salarian, Asari, Batarian, or any other species out there. It wasn't as if he needed it, he just reveled in it. Killing was part of his life, and he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Another mercenary started firing at him as he rounded the corner, Shepard threw a stasis field up around him, completely freezing him. He used this time to walk around him so as to position himself behind the mercenary. He willed the stasis field out of existence, placed one hand on the mercenaries chin, the other on the side of his head and snapped his neck with a satisfying crack. He turned around to see another one of the churls coming at him and threw him into the back wall with sufficient force to rupture the body, seeing as there was a trail of blood on the wall where the corpse had slid down after impact.

He heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall toward him, and flicked on the laser-dot sight on his pistol. As soon as he saw the first mercenary he put a round right between his eyes. Three more came after, the first two he dispatched with clean headshots, the last he hit with a biotic slam. The mercenary flew up and then hit the ground with a crunch that would sicken a normal person. This carnage, in various forms, had been going since he hit groundside 9 hours ago, and as of right now there was no end to it in sight. It didn't matter, he had time to kill. He chuckled to himself, turned the corner, and found himself in front of an opening elevator, with four very large, very angry Krogan inside.

* * *

><p>20 Earth Standard Hours before, The Citadel, Zakera Ward Level 26, That one Noodle Shop<p>

The Ramen was overpriced, un-appetizing, and undercooked, but the beer was good and that was why Shepard was there. Genuine Coors beer, brewed in the Rocky Mountains, and imported from Earth, and the noodle shop was the only place outside of Alliance space that had it on tap. This small detail was incentive enough for Shepard to brave the sub-standard food, and drop the necessary credits to get his beer. Shepard was not usually a drinking man, but after blowing up a star system, and with the Batarian Hegemony clamoring for his head on a silver platter, he was making an exception. After his seventeenth beer, he still wasn't feeling at all intoxicated so he dropped a thousand credits on the counter and left.

He went to go find Tali and Legion, who were in Saronis Applications haggling over some software upgrades for the Normandy, and as he passed the warehouse he was tackled by a Hanar. (This begs the question, how does a Hanar go about tackling someone anyway) The Hanar had a hypodermic needle in one of its tentacles, and was in the act of inserting it into Shepard's jugular when he produced a mass effect field that increased the mass of the Hanar to such a degree that he imploded in on himself in compressed mess of pink, gelatinous ichor.

Shepard reached into the mess that used to be a Hanar, and found both the hypodermic needle and the Hanar's omni-tool intact near the middle of the puddle of goo. Before C-Sec could stop him, Shepard ran to Saronis Applications, paid the Salarian clerk, and made haste to the Normandy. Once there they fired up the engines got the hell out of dodge.

"Shepard-Commander, we did not acquire the necessary program updates. We recommend that we return to the Citadel post-haste." Legion was saying as they entered the CIC from the airlock.

"Legion, which do you think holds higher priority? An attempt on my life; or some system updates?" Shepard replied sarcastically. "Wouldn't you be a Reaper worshipping heretic if it weren't for me?"

"Shepard-Commander, the updates are required for the Normandy's critical systems to run at optimum efficiency. Logically we should -"

"Legion, Shepard cannot be reasoned with when he's angry, why don't we go analyze that omni-tool so we can give him something to channel his anger into." Tali had interrupted Legion for his own safety, against her better judgment, but an affront on her captain was an affront on her, and thus concessions had to be made. "Let's go find out who wants Shepard dead, so we can find them."

* * *

><p>An hour later, and Shepard had the location for a base on the planet Klendagon, in the Century system, in the Hawking Eta cluster. Mordin had analyzed the contents of the hypodermic needle, it was a mix of stonefish venom, from Earth, and powerful neurotoxins from the Hanar's stingers. The poisonous cocktail would have been enough to overwhelm the cybernetic systems in his body that made him immune to poison, and he would have been dead in seconds.<p>

Naturally, Shepard was seeing red. Once the course was set, Shepard went up to his cabin to put on his armour, and then began to kill his fish by creating air bubbles in their tiny little brains, and then popping them with his biotics, causing brain aneurysms. He saw it as precision training. The little fishies would die and slowly sink to the bottom. He derived sick pleasure from this activity. He felt the lurch as they were shot through the mass relay, and decided to stop, since he had accidentally destroyed the tanks once before. And he did not want to fix them again.

As they transitioned back to sub-light speeds they plotted a course for the Century system and Shepard made for the conference room to assemble the team. He was going to do this alone. He did not want to share the glorious bloodshed with anyone else on the team, not when it was this personal.

The first person to arrive was Jacob, which was understandable since the armoury was right there. Shortly after Mordin came in, fidgeting with his omni-tool. Then Kasumi, Garrus, Thane, Samara, Legion, Grunt, Jack, Zaeed, and Tali all came in at once. _How did they all fit in the elevator at once? _Shepard thought to himself, _No matter, they probably aren't going to like my plan._

"Battle-Master, why have you summoned us?" Grunt asked, getting straight to the point. "Are we going to kill more big things soon?"

"Yeah Shepard, what gives? I was asleep." Jack said, in that gleefully bitchy way that she liked to do things.

"I am going to assault a mercenary base on Klendagon. You are going to watch my back, and watch out for reinforcements after I go in. I am going in alone, nothing any of you say or do will make me change my plan. Someone tried to assassinate me, and I would like to give my reply personally." Just as Shepard finished his explanation, Tali began to voice her opinion on the various shortcomings of this course of action. Shepard promptly cut her off. "No, none of you are coming with me, you will be on the surface, And on the off chance that I need assistance, I will call for you, but as of right now I am doing this alone. You are dismissed, prepare to board the shuttle. We leave in two hours."

* * *

><p>Shepard stepped over the body of the last Krogan, and into the elevator. He looked out on his handiwork, the most interesting kill had all four extremities torn clean off, a considerable feat for any biotic. Shepard wasn't even winded. He thumbed the switch on the elevator and accelerated down into what was likely the central command center of the base.<p>

He stepped off the elevator, and walked straight into the biggest Elcor he had ever seen. "With the utmost sincerity: It is time for you to die."


	2. Chapter 2

_/* For anyone who is following me, I apologize for being late. New readers, thank you for reading. No I am not sadistic or demented, I just dont like that Elcor. Please review to point out errors or inconsistencies, and does anyone know a word that means to say something in a seductive fashion?_ and yes, if you are familiar with Java, I am denoting authors notes with java syle comment blocks.*/

Revenge Is Fun Because You're Dead

Chapter 2

Callidus Shepard stood over the steaming corpse of his Elcor assailant, although he had been much faster than the average Elcor, once he had lost the element of surprise it was just a matter of tripping him and creating a singularity inside of his lungs, causing him to not only suffocate, but to also slowly implode in on himself. It was a very slow, painful death. After the Elcor had lost conciousness, Shepard allowed the singularity to fade, so his victim wouldnt die. Yet. Then he set to work stripping the visible epidermis off of the Elcor with tiny, laser-like warp fields. The Elcor woke up just as Shepard had begun to strip the tiny layer of skin off of his eyes.

Amazingly, its lungs were somehow still intact enough to scream. And scream it did, in an uncharacteristically un-monotone fashion. "I must be losing my touch. You somehow regained consciousness, and you still have sufficient enough lung capacity to scream." Shepard commented, "Of course if you can scream, you can talk. Your voice, however is extremely irritating and so I'll take my chances with whatevers on your omnitool."

"Desperation: Wait." it gurgled, "I will tell you anythin-" Shepard ripped out his trachea before he could finish his sentence. "Annoyed: I told you that your voice was irritating. Amused: Now not only are you going to die, but you're going to drown in your own blood." Callidus opened a text file on his omni-tool marked "Bucket List" and checked off item #54: Strip the flesh off of a still living Elcor. Although it had happened by accident, it still counted.

He shook his head to clear it, and saved the document, then he grabbed the Elcor's omni-tool and put it in one of his hard-suits pockets. He activated his radio and tuned in to the squad frequency."Tali, I have an omni-tool for you to analyze once we get back to the Normandy, though you might want to clean it. It's covered in dead Elcor." He turned off his radio, before anyone responded and ventured to the other side of the room.

Amazingly enough, there was not an elevator in the back, instead he found the door to what appeared to be the Elcor's private office. He booted up the computer on the desk, and uploaded all the data on it to his omni-tool, though not before finding out that the assassination attempt had been sanctioned by the remaining Dantius siblings. "Damn," he said to no one in particular, "Nassana is still causing me trouble, even though shes been dead for nearly six months. This just got a lot more interesting."

Once everyone was back on the Normandy, Shepard called a meeting in the conference room. "I found out who wants me dead. Joker, set a course for Hagalaz. I need to talk to Liara about the Dantius family. Dismissed."

Shepard left the conference room for his cabin, catching the elevator before anyone else did so he wouldn't have to wait for it. The elevator arrived at his cabin, and he stepped out into the little miniature landing in front of his door. Callidus entered his cabin, grabbed a towel and his pajamas, and got into the shower. He rinsed the dirt and grime and gore off of his skin and soaped himself up. He rinsed himself off, shampooed what little hair he had, and rinsed again. He turned off his shower, dried off and put on his pajamas. He stumbled over to his bed and collapsed.

Maybe ten minutes later, he heard his door open and looked up to see that Tali had decided to pay him a visit. "Are you okay Shepard?" she asked, "Its been a really long day for all of us, and I wanted to make sure you were doing alright." She walked the rest of way to the bed, and sat down next to Shepard.

"I'm not alright Tali, I'm exhausted. Carnage is all well and good while its going on, but after, afterwards Im completely exhausted." He said. "Thanks for asking. I was going to call you up here, but I uhhm, uhhh kind of collapsed. I'm really tired."

"Yes Shepard, but you're entitled to being tired. The events of the past few days aside, just using your biotics so much for such a long period of time, I'm amazed you didnt collapse in the middle of the fight." Tali shifted a little closer to him. "You deserve to relax."

Shepard buttoned the collar on his suit, and pulled on the loafers that went with them. Real leather. He was just glad Kasumi had gotten them, and that he hadn't had to buy them. They were most likely incredibly expensive and most likely stolen too.

"Only a runny nose this time. I must be getting used to you Shepard." Tali said as she locked her visor back into place. "Of course, then I would have no choice but to ravish you on a nightly basis."

"Is that a threat or a promise?" Shepard inquired innocently as they walked toward the elevator.

"Definitely a promise." She paused, "I'm forgetting something... Oh Keelah! The omni-tool data, it might be of some use to Liara. I meant to tell you earlier, but I got distracted."

Callidus laughed. "Its fine. Raid his bank accounts and we'll call it even."

Shepard stepped out onto deck 2 and headed up to the cockpit to see Joker. "Joker, how far out are we from Hagalaz?"

"Maybe a half hour tops. Going to embrace eternity, eh Commander?" Joker quipped.

"No. I'm going to go find out where the rest of Dantius sisters are. Prepare the shuttle."

_/* If is not sure what I am implying there, i would just like to make it clear I am implying what you think I am implying. */_


End file.
